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It is accurate to say that without self-acceptance there is no self love. 

Before we go any further, it is important to make a distinction between self acceptance and the desire to develop one’s self. Namely, if there are parts or areas about yourself that are within your power to change, then accepting that this is the case is what self acceptance is all about.

As discussed in the previous module regarding self awareness and consciousness, self acceptance, too is about respecting reality. A mind that honours reality honours itself and vice versa. 

So what is self acceptance?

Self acceptance lies in my relationship with my Self, in that it is the refusal to be anything but my own best friend. 

Many would claim that they are accepting of themselves, but what they usually mean is that they are putting up with it like an annoying younger sibling that you are obliged to look after because otherwise you would get in trouble. This is not self acceptance. The secret to a wholesome self acceptance lies in knowing yourself so well: your triggers your impulses, your thoughts, emotions, energies, etc. But from a young age, you’ve been taught to smile, appease and adapt to expectations. No wonder you’ve lost touch with yourself. 

There are 3 levels to self acceptance:

Level One:

What does this level look like? 

It looks like an orientation of self-value and self-commitment that derives from the fact that I am alive and I am conscious. It is the very act of affirming your existence; your birthright. This means that your experience of life comes from a place of: I am here and I am grateful to be here. I am here and I am experiencing all of life.

This entails affirming that I am on my own side, for myself, in the healthiest and most natural form of egoism.

But let’s face it. Even this simplest of acts often eludes us. How many times do we wake up thinking: here I go again…? Just take a look at suicide rates worldwide to understand how vital self acceptance is.  

We have the power to deny  and reject ourselves even at that most fundamental level. At this level, no growth work can even begin and no treatment or healing could hold unless significant progress can be made in this area. 

At this level, self acceptance is the voice that fights for your life. It is the voice that fights depression, anxiety and despair. It is the voice that asks for help from the depth of the darkest nights. It is your life force. It is the voice that does not seeks escapism to numb yourself but seeks investing in yourself so that you could be the highest version of yourself.

The more accepting you are of your Self, the more powerful that life force becomes. 

Level Two:

The second level to self acceptance is about our willingness to experience our feelings and our thoughts without judgement, ridicule, denial or evasion. 

Our ability to think what we think, feel what we feel, desire what we desire… it is looking at our bodies, our thoughts and our emotions without rejecting any of it or deeming it as ‘not me’. 

But let’s face it, how often do you look in the mirror without trying to ‘fix’ anything? Probably never…

In fact, we are only motivated to look in the mirror out of fear of being rejected rather than out of loving what is reflected back at us (not to be confused with narcissism).

This normalised behaviour only drives one message to us and that is: you are not good enough.

To experience ourselves, we must be willing to accept our feelings and that has no implication that emotions are to have the last word on what we do. I may not be in the mood to go to work today; I can acknowledge my feelings, accept them and then go to work! I may not like how my stomach area looks today. I will acknowledge that and accept it but I will not indulge in self harming behaviour thereafter.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “where do I even start? ” then you’re on the right track and in the right place. 

Self acceptance is by far the most important yet most difficult step to get onto. Most of my clients come to me thinking that they do accept themselves when in fact they don’t. They are either tolerating themselves or accepting their refusal to accept themselves. With the tools I’ve created on my Love Map™️ signature program (a sample of which you’ll find in your assignments), you will be able to get to the root causes that are embedded in your subconscious  that are stopping you from accepting your thoughts, emotions and/or physical appearance.

You see, it’s not because there is anything wrong with you that you are finding it difficult to accept the truth of your reality. Something in your subconscious programming that you are unaware of is creating a significant block and is stopping you from moving past that hurdle. You are stuck in a place where your way of handling reality is to twist it out of shape in your mind and try to trick yourself into believing that by wishful thinking you can eliminate what is persisting.

The bad news is, the more you resist and deny what you cannot accept, the more it will persist in your reality, and the more your reality will become too uncomfortable for you to achieve your goals and desires. 

To accept one’s self is to say: This is an expression of me. I may not like it but it is an expression of me nonetheless. I accept the full reality of my experience. What is true, is true. I will not rationalise, deny, or attempt to intellectualise or explain it away. I will not twist my story or my thoughts in order to make myself feel better about it. I will respect and honour reality. 

To be able to accept ourselves at this level, is to open the door to integrating our shadows. In my Love Map™️ program, a program which I developed to help heal childhood traumas and destructive behavioural patterns that get in our way of self love, self expression and being fully self expressed, you will learn 5 techniques that would help you identify all the areas of your self that you have completely rejected and denied (most of which you don’t even know about) and guide you to integrating them back into yourself so that you may feel the full impact of being complete and whole and at peace within yourself. The breakthroughs you will experience through my signature techniques and the support you will receive in the process will transform the way you are being forever, and there will be no going back to the way you were before.

You can find out how to sign up for the Love Map™️ program here. 

Bringing consciousness to our emotions is the precondition for understanding and allowing ourselves to heal that part of us that gets triggered each time we face a situation where our inner child is still wounded and feels unsafe. You cannot grow if you can’t accept the part of you that needs to evolve. You cannot learn from a mistake if you cannot accept that you have made a mistake. You cannot change traits you insist you do not have.

You cannot overcome a fear whose reality you deny.

What ends up happening is that we seek this acceptance from the outside thinking that once we find someone to accept all of us then that would be sufficient to heal. 

This could not be further from the truth.

The truth is that we will only attract into our environment what is a reflection of ourselves. No amount of acceptance from the outside will ever make up for your feelings of inadequacy on the inside. 

You cannot truly love yourself until you truly accept yourself. You cannot find true love, or create the life of your dreams, if you cannot truly accept yourself and access a commitment to growth and transformation from there.

Level Three:

This is the level of Self Compassion. People quite often talk about it but seldom exercise it for themselves. They offer it plentifully for others but when it comes to one’s Self, we are rarely able to give ourselves a level of harmonious affection that enables individuals to avoid judgement and instead get curious abut the internal considerations that prompted the undesired behaviour. 

If I did something that would prompt alarm, a good friend would say to me: “This was unworthy of you. Now tell me, what made it feel like a good idea, or at least an excusable one?” This is what I can say to myself.

This level of compassion does not damage my sense of love and acceptance of myself but rather discourages undesired behaviour and helps explore healthier options of reacting to similar triggers. 

The more we are able to integrate the parts of ourselves that are incongruent with our highest selves and which we are finding it difficult to accept, the more integrated our reality becomes. Because the more comfortable we are with ourselves, the more authentic we become, the more our minds are able to honour what it sees and therefore know how to deal with it in constructive and effective ways that fulfil your needs and desires. We are not moved to change the things whose reality we choose to deny or pretend does not exist. Without acceptance, nothing can and nothing will change. 

When my clients arrive at my practice, their self compassion is practically nonexistent. They usually arrive at the point where they have been drained of all self love and compassion because they’ve spent years and years denying their reality which usually consists of abusive relationships, domestic violence, drug and/or alcohol addiction or abuse… the list goes on. And the worst part is, they don’t see that there is anything wrong with that picture. They think that this is a normal existence that they could tolerate. The irony is, they are able to recognise what’s wrong with this reality when they’re looking at it as if it belongs to someone else. But because they continue to deny it for themselves, they are unable to change it. Instead they numb it out to create the illusion of surviving and call it ‘being strong’.

This then becomes one of the biggest breakthroughs for my clients. When they are finally able to see how their subconscious programming had effectively twisted their reality, they are unable to ignore it. Then begins the journey of accepting their reality and how this reality needs to change. 

This is the first step to truly transforming who you are in the world, how you see the world and how the world sees you. 

The first step to loving your self and owning the power to recreate it as you need and wish is true self-acceptance. This can only happen through exploring your subconscious programming and understanding how complex and interconnected your underlying beliefs are and how your reset button defaults to self-sabotage instead of further progress. When I recognised this pattern in my own behaviour, I had to create the Love Map™️ because there was no way I would have let myself lose sight of the treasure I found again and I wanted to make sure that all the research and practises I carried out were replicable for others to follow, too.

Neale Donald Walsh, author of Conversations with God, said: “To become the Grandest Version and the Greatest Vision of yourself” … this is truly the state that we thrive for. 

You know there is work to do and you owe it to your life force to do it.

If you are ready to do this work, and if you haven’t already, then please get in touch right away. This is arguably the only work worth doing because everything else that’s worthwhile comes as a result of this work

Congratulations on completing Step Two of the course!

Here are your assignments for this module.

In the next module, we will learn about the number one step that is the key to unlocking true abundance in your life.

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