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Before we embark on our journey, make sure you have a pen and a journal ready as you will need to write down your reflections and complete the activities at the end of each module/step.

Write down a rating out of 10 of how much self-love you experience on average on a daily basis. 

Now take a deep breath and start reading!

Good luck!

If you are reading this, then it is more than likely that you and I have something in common: we have suffered and lived through significant levels of trauma since childhood at the hands of the very people we have loved and trusted the most..

Years and years of forceful conditioning through abuse of power or through our own interpretation of what had happened meant that our self-love has taken a good beating. You are probably carrying much of this trauma in your body, in your muscles, in your joints and in your cells. And these traumas have created a detachment from your inner, true self that has completely disempowered you and made you often feel like you have lost control. Chaos has ensued and reigned in many areas of your life and every day feels like an exercise in damage control and fire fighting leaving very little energy left to pursue what you actually desire to experience in your life.

I hear you.

What does this mean?

It means that we have been sleepwalking through our own experience so far (to a large extent) and the thousands of choices that we’ve been presented with every single minute of the day have been made unconsciously or automatically requiring very little conscious awareness from us. It means that, when we have been lacking in self-love, the choices we’ve been making rarely serve a healthy way of being and that we have been choosing to find validation and gratification from outward sources and creating bad habits such as addictions to substance and people.

Our lives are made up of a series of our choices. Each choice we make determines the possibility we are creating for our future selves, not just in the present moment. Who you are being right now is shaping the future you are living into tomorrow. So if you’ve been creating that self unconsciously, who have you created and what kind of life has been created around them?

Who you are, what you’ve got, and how your life is right now is the result of the choices you made yesterday, last week, last month, last year and even the choices you made as a child. Much of our behaviour patterns today have been created by choosing to react in certain ways to the situations we had been presented with. It becomes a vicious cycle of reactions that sometimes fulfil us but mostly don’t. Mostly, it keeps us sedated until it gets too uncomfortable.

Ultimately, if we had known better at the time, we would have done better. This is not a time for regret but a time to realise how powerful we are as creators and that we had the power all along. If we want our lives to be different, all we have to do is make different choices. Without bringing conscious awareness to our choices, we can’t help but repeat the patterns of our past.

When we do not translate our consciousness into appropriate action, we betray ourselves. When we betray ourselves, we slowly erode our trust in who we are and what we are capable of being. The mind invalidates itself. Our sense of self-worth plummets and we go outwards again to seek validation and someone to supply us with the love we need. We become out of integrity – this is not a moral issue but a matter of workability; ie. is your life working for you or not? When we are not integrated within our selves and who we are being (when we are out of alignment and being inauthentic), our sense of worth erodes. This is the result of not living consciously.

When you are not living consciously, you do not understand your impulses and triggers. Instead of getting curious about them, you are allowing yourself to be in autopilot mode which is largely giving over your control to them to do with you as they please. You rely on others to feel love, approval, security, safety. You are living on basic survival instincts in a very shrunk and shrivelled version of yourself. And the problem is, you do not recognise the extent or the depth of the malaise you’re stagnating in until the water around you begins to boil…

Growing up, when I was told to be ‘conscious’ of my behaviour and my actions, it meant that I had to copy the acceptable behaviours of authority figures and people deemed by my parents as ‘role models’. This translated to me becoming ‘self conscious’ which I much later found out is not the same thing. It also meant that my behaviour was largely a carbon copy of the people who were influential in my upbringing and who projected their own reactions to triggers upon me and others. It meant that I was completely out of alignment with my true self. I was inauthentic in everything I said and did because my behaviour was largely motivated by the need for love, belonging and acceptance.

To go beyond the socially and culturally acceptable and the socio-normative standards meant that I was breaking unwritten laws about how to behave. I was taught that women who broke the rules were bad women whom no one loved. I was told that the women who seem successful must have achieved their success through immoral acts.

In other words, I was taught to view success and thriving as an immoral act that if I aspire to it, will deem me unlovable.

 

Sounds familiar?

The point of this story is to understand how much of our beliefs are not actually ours. A conscious self-inspection and an anatomical look into each and every judgement we make would quickly reveal to us who is behind influencing our way of thinking. It will be a numerous amount of people through inexhaustible media channels. We are, after all, meaning making machines and so much of our behaviour is motivated by seeking love, safety and that comes from needing to feel that we belong somewhere.

Living consciously means living responsibly in reality and understanding that it is not a question of right or wrong but a question of does it work? Does it serve your highest purpose? Does it live up to your highest self? Does the choice you are making now forward your way into being the person you wish to become in the future? Every time you make a choice that is inconsistent with your heart’s desires, you are not only moving away from what you say you want to do in life but actually damping your life force – that unique inner power that is your essence which keeps you alive physically and spiritually.

Here are some observations about living consciously

You are not a passive creator; you are an ACTIVE creator. Every moment of your life you are creating the next moment of your life. The choices you are making right now determine how good or bad your experience of your next moment will be. You are responsible for your own existence and happiness. By choosing to be conscious, you are choosing to be guided by the clearest understanding of that which you are capable of being.

All you really have is this moment. If the COVID pandemic taught us anything, it is this fundamental truth. All future plans and occasions have been canceled and the reason is because we don’t own the rights to tomorrow. We never did and we never will. We only own the rights to the here and now. Whatever you put into or get out of the here and now will determine the quality of your tomorrow. And tomorrow is not a place for dreaming but for more creating. This moment right here and right now is full of the joy you are anticipating and delaying to a dreamland called ‘tomorrow’ or ‘someday’. Instead you can cultivate it right now by being in the moment. This by no means comes naturally to most people but the activities included in this course will give you plenty of techniques to help you.

You are a MMM (meaning making machine). You’ve turned everything you have experienced in life into stories because that’s what human beings do. Since the dawn of time, we have loved stories because if we don’t have stories, we have chaos and we would go insane. Unfortunately, we’ve become so unconscious and out of touch with our machinery that we have started believing our versions of reality to the point that we have been damaged by it. We rarely use our stories to empower us or move us forward until it gets very uncomfortable.

Being conscious means knowing and understanding which parts of our stories are facts and which are interpretations of reality. There are more interpretations of reality than there are humans (because we are capable of giving multiple interpretations for each situation we come across each time a new piece of information appears). Emotions rise from the interpretations we assign to our reality. Those interpretations are shaped by our experiences since childhood.  Emotions are true; interpretations are not. How does this work, you ask? Well, you may be correct or incorrect in your interpretation of a particular situation. Your feelings may be appropriate or inappropriate to a particular situation (just think of how some people laugh out loud when they hear of someone’s passing, for example).

However you react emotionally to a situation, your emotions become an energy in motion which cannot be destroyed. They become very real energy and you will assign them particular labels like anger, sadness, joy, peace, etc. Each energy has a vibration to it that can be measured. Some produce positive energies, others negative. The highest vibration is love and the lowest is fear. Everything else lies in between this spectrum.

To live consciously means to be sensitive to these distinctions: what do you perceive; what do you interpret them to mean and how do you feel about it – these are separate questions that need conscious focus. Being unconscious about this process means that your grounding becomes the first casualty. Your interpretations collapse into stories that disempower you and the choice you automatically run to becomes one of survival; your impulse is to run to an automated, unconscious old way of being.

As you go through the process over and over again, fear and pain will become your signals not to close your eyes and ignore the cause, but to open them wide and look curiously for alternative choices. In every moment there are infinite choices you can make to deal with a familiar situation differently. Your task is to disengage from the story presenting itself to you and to CHOOSE another way of seeing the situation that will empower you to make another daring choice.

The result of looking at this from a conscious level will look the image on the left.

You will move from a sphere of familiar programming (the reactive mode) which is characterised by innocence of perception. You did not know how much power and control you really have and this state has kept you innocently ignorant of your potential.

When you first make the decision to move out of your normal programming, you move into the sphere of perceived chaos – that is chaos of your senses. You feel that you’ve done something so different and inconsistent with who you have been in the past that you have lost control over the outcome. This is perfectly normal and a sign that you are finally out of your comfort zone.

The last stage is the sphere of innovation. You realise that taking risks and making conscious choices result in innovative ways of looking at situations. Your creative mind takes over your logical mind and you start being the creator you were always intended to be.

Once you’ve gone through the spheres of innocence, to chaos to innovation a few times, you will reach the stage of transcendence: this is the level every human aspires to becoming. It is the state of being a conscious creator in the world. You are living at the creative end of the world rather than the effect.

Alignment: being in alignment means that what we say our values, goals are or our purpose is, is where we invest our time and energy. When these elements are out of alignment or are incongruent, our sense of self is divided and out of integrity. Being conscious means we are closely monitoring our intentions, our goals, our vision and evaluating the time and energy spent on what we are doing and analysing whether or not our actions are furthering our progress in our quest.

Reality vs. Truth: Being conscious means that your first loyalty is to truth, not to making yourself right. We are all wrong some of the time. If our self-worth is tied to being right, then we are in trouble. It means that our ego (largely driven by fear and motivated by survival) believes it is above error and that we are over attached to our own positions. It means that, when our position is eventually proven to be incorrect, our sense of self falls apart and shrivels. Our consciousness shrinks in misguided self-protection. This isn’t a sign of insecurity but quite possibly a flawed sense of self which requires further examination.

Finally, what I would like you to get from this step is essentially how important it is to find your Self. To find him/her you need to first SEE them. Hear them. Feel them. Smell them. Touch them. Instead of fighting to be seen and witnessed by others whom, quite frankly, often struggle to find themselves, you must return to your source of existence: YOU. Get conscious and in touch with who you essentially are. And I don’t mean your sex, age, job, marital status, roles, religion, colour, etc. I mean the one behind all these hats and masks. When it all fades away, who are you? What legacy do you want to leave behind? What do you want them to say about you at your funeral? Why is this important to you?

Here is what I found when I began to get centred:

I am a creature of magic and brilliance. I am a magical creator. I am capable of greatness. In fact, it is what I was intended for. There are no coincidences or accidents in the universe. There are no spare parts or waste. I am here to serve a purpose and to serve this purpose, my energy must be fully charged. How do I charge it? By sitting still and directing my gaze inwards.

Does this sound too rainbows and unicorns to you? I hope so because I did not wake up and find myself like this one day! I worked damn hard to finally know it in my cells.

For years I woke up and felt worthless, if-I-disappeared-today-the-world-would-be-a-better-place kind of pointless. Nothing I ever did was good enough. Nothing I ever did made me feel good about myself. In fact, feeling good about myself was a feeling I was so uncomfortable with, I would immediately start eating food to calm myself down! Toxic relationships were my go-to number-one self-sabotaging technique: how can I make myself feel more worthless? By getting into a relationship with someone who is not just deeply flawed, but will make sure that I feel worthless each day I spent with them. I was so lacking in self-love that between the ages of 16-26, I never had a photo taken. At 26, I started taking photos with my children because I wanted my grandchildren to see what I looked like when I was younger the same way I wished I could have seen my grandparents when they were younger.

Does this sound more familiar? Good. It means that you, too, can go from feeling like dirt to feeling like gold and stardust and it will be genuine, authentic and congruent with your entire being because you will be coming to it from a place of consciousness that allows you to see the truth; not what you think or interpret as being the truth.

If you feel ready to speak to me about creating a life that is congruent with your inner

It is time to give you your assignments which you will do for as long as it takes to help you get well versed in the Art of Noticing: noticing the feelings in your body; your emotions during encounters with someone; the patterns in your behaviour that may not be serving you; noticing your physical pains and what triggers them; noticing when there is nothing yet something provoked or triggered you; noticing when you get hungry; noticing when you sleep too much, too little or just enough; noticing when you feel energetic and when you do not.

To notice you must be interested. You must believe in the value of knowing yourself. You have to be willing to inspect troublesome facts. You must trust that you have more to gain from being conscious than being unconscious.

Here are your assignments.

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