40 Lessons at 40

Lesson #27

By Venus Souls

Who am I?

The question may surprise you, dear reader, because you may be thinking you’re the only one who contemplates this question on a daily basis. If you are one of those who doesn’t, kudos. You’re a rare breed. I will assume it is because you’ve got an unwavering set of core values and a clear message and purpose you know you are placed on this planet to serve. For some of us – those of us who’ve had a few wars to win first before we could finally sit down and think about it – the calling arrived a little differently but it was clear from the start that not knowing who you are, or what your values are, you will go through life never living the life you want to live or achieving the goals and dreams you want to achieve. 

Your life is the direct manifestation of your values, whether you are conscious and intentional about them or not. To know your values, you must first get clarity on your identity. Who are you?

“You’ve got to find yourself first. Everything else’ll follow.”

— Charles de Lint

So, who am I?

I am a rebel. 

I questioned every authority that ever said no to me or rejected me, or told me I was forbidden from doing something. Starting with what they called god… and ending with me. 

It turned out that it was easy to rebel against all of them – the god figure was easiest of all. But when it came to the voice inside of me that told me I could not do this… well, that was my toughest war.

Because that rebellious voice loved to say no. Whenever someone told meI couldn’t do something, I just did it anyway. Breaking the rules is fun; it has a certain thrill and rush to it, for sure, but most of it was painful. Each ‘no’ cost me a ton of pain. I was methodically ostracised from every group I was told I belonged to until I could not belong anywhere. 

It took me years to embrace my reality and stand in a power so immense, it transcended all boundaries and barriers. It was a spiritual, soulful power and when you own that power, you belong everywhere. 

And so, after decades spent in rebellion and diaspora, I looked up and wondered what it was all for? What now? Why am I here? Who am I if I don’t have a journey and a message to communicate? What else was all this suffering for?

I brought down my personal patriarchy. Now what? The patriarchy is coming down – now what? Are we actually free? No, we’re not. Is this the end? No, it’s not even begun yet!

So what do we do now?

We pick up the pieces and we piece them together the right way and throw the pieces we don’t need away. We start rebuilding ourselves.

We stand in our power and we empower.

We live with passion and impassion.

We rise and we raise. 

That is my message. 

We need to go on a journey to find out who we were before all the pain. Before we were conditioned to be who they needed us to be. We need to go deeper than we ever thought possible. We need to peel off the layers one layer at a time till we find that core we cradle at night in our darkest hour; that hour we are most connected with ourselves and most loving and present.

My sister, Lisa Nichols, said to me:

Take off the ‘I have something to prove’ layer.

Take off the ‘I have something to protect’ layer.

Take off the ‘I have something to hide’ layer.

Take off the ‘I have something to defend’ layer.

Who is the person underneath all those layers? Beneath the anguish and the anger and the resentment and despair?

Just imagine how magically beautiful that person is. How incredibly fascinating they are. How engaging, How illuminating. How loving. How giving. How influential. How powerful…

This is who I am, who I must be and whose message is, when I stand in my own power, I am able to empower.

When I live with passion, I will impassion.

When I rise, I will raise.

That’s my superpower. That’s my Venusian soul. 

What’s yours?

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Posted by thesoulsurgeon

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